There’s a BABY on Your Plane. Deal With It.


In December my brother is getting married many states away. It will be Henry’s first trip on an airplane. He might not like it.

Nobody likes listening to a crying baby in a contained space. Not even that baby’s parents. But worse than listening to a crying baby in a contained space is listening to adults complain about a crying baby.

“I have chosen not to have children and thus should not be subjected to yours,” you may say to me. To you I reply, “Oh, if only your mother had made the same choice.” And no, I am not making you any damn goody bags. How did those even make it through security?

Some airlines have started offering a child-hater ticket class for flyers who hate children and will pay extra not to be seated near them. I say, good for you, airlines. I also say, since we’re all supporting a class-based system in which people who pay more get treated better, why not also offer a child-hater-hater class? I’m not saying take out the middle row and put in a ball pit (though I’m not not saying this), but maybe some sort of assurance that fellow human beings who happen to be parents who are doing their best to make sure you a-hole jerks aren’t – oh my God – bothered can at least for a few minutes on a plane not be treated like sh*t. And maybe milk available for purchase.

Maybe Henry won’t cry. But now I’m kind of hoping he does.


One Comment on “There’s a BABY on Your Plane. Deal With It.”

  1. Tara says:

    A friend commented that designated family flights may lead unchildrened fliers to expect all “regular” flights to be child-free. So maybe a better Thing That Should Happen is Child Hater Flights., and all “regular” flights should be understood as possible family flights, because all flights everywhere should feature singalongs. (This last part may have been added by me.)

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